Mated To The Mountain Lion Read online

  Faster and faster he went, and soon our skin was slapping against one another’s. He cradled my head and looked deep into my eyes, a somewhat wild stare entering his pupils. As his hips began to stutter against mine, I nibbled at his shoulder and nestled my nose into the crook of his neck.

  “Oh god, yes,” I whispered.

  His body tensed with heat, his hips sunk deep into mine, and my pussy fluttered around him, pulling him as deep as he could possibly go before he spilled wholly into my entrance. The way his body writhed against mine and the way his skin felt—sweaty and stained from the love we had just made—sent words tumbling from his lips didn’t shock nor scare me.

  “I love you, Autumn.”

  I panted as his body collapsed onto mine, and he stayed sheathed inside of my wet heat while his morning wood sat and pulsed with its desire for a second round. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and closed my eyes, parting my lips and letting the same words tumbled from them just as naturally as they had years ago in college.

  “I love you too, Dallas.”

  He raised up and looked me in the eyes. The smile that crossed his face stirred something deep in the pit of my soul. I had always loved Dallas, and I knew I always would. I knew, in college, that he was the only man for me, and all the men I had ever come across in Paris didn’t hold a candle to the strong, rugged, strapping, gentle human I’d fallen in love with.

  Fallen in love with and left.

  “I’ve always loved you, Autumn,” he said earnestly. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, until the moment you appeared at my trailer, until now. Jesus, when your mother called and said-”

  He slid off my body and out from between my legs, and I shifted, feeling him spill out of me. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I was lying in a mess and hadn’t brushed my teeth, and I didn’t even care that we still hadn’t addressed why I had left in the first place, much less the fact that I was leaving again next week.

  All I cared about was what he was about to say and how deeply affected he obviously was by it.

  To anyone else, Dallas was a stubborn ass. He listened to no one, took no advice, and always took the long way ‘round when it came to his goals. He shrugged off opinions and sometimes even told others to flat out shut their mouths. And most of the time, he kept to himself at all costs when he could. He would always say that people exhausted him and that if they were exhausting, they were stupid, and he didn’t want to waste his time with them anyway.

  But with me, he always relented. With me, he always yielded.

  Why the hell did I ever think he would stop me from going to Paris?

  “I thought I’d lost you, Autumn,” he said.

  “I’m right here,” I whispered, brushing his matted nighttime hair back from his face. I studied his features, committing them to memory just in case this never happened again. Just in case I never got to lay with him naked and vulnerable.

  We still needed to talk, but for now, this was enough.

  For the first time in three weeks, I hadn’t woken up with a headache. My body didn’t hurt and my stomach didn’t churn. When I went downstairs to Dallas making pancakes, my mouth salivated out of a hungry need rather than from the deprecating nausea that I couldn’t shake for some reason. After getting a plate full of pancakes, I slathered homemade molasses onto them, and Dallas challenged me to an eating contest. Laughing, I watched him shovel down ten pancakes to my four, while we covered ourselves in sweet sticky goodness.

  “I gotta get back to the ranch today,” Dallas mentioned.

  I smirked. “I was wondering when you were gonna resume your life.”

  “Not until I knew you were all right. And obviously, by the way you wolfed down your breakfast, you’re doin’ just fine.”

  “You’re such a jerk. You know I’ve always had an appetite.”

  “Still, that was some decent eatin’ though. I’m lookin’ forward to watchin’ you slosh lunch all over your shirt.”

  I slapped him playfully on the chest and he grasped my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. My breath caught in my throat before he tilted my chin up towards him and captured my lips in a sweet resounding kiss.

  “I’ll be in just before lunch to make us somethin’,” he said.

  “I could make us something if you’d like.”

  “Don’t bother yourself with it. It’ll probably just be sandwiches and chips.”

  “Let me do something for you, Dallas,” I protested.

  “What makes you think you don’t already?”

  He kissed my forehead as a blush crept down my neck, and I watched him go out to his farm as he began tending to his animals. He groomed and fed his horses before moving to check the bulls, letting them all out to pasture. Then he disappeared into the heifer den, probably to milk them down and check on the ones carrying calves.

  Knowing he would be there for a while, I went back upstairs to take a shower, which was when my mind began to race. I thought about the conversation ahead of us and all the questions he would ask, and tears crested my eyes at the idea of accusing him of holding me back.

  My common sense told me he never would have, but my fears told me to not take the chance.

  I had no idea how I was going to broach the conversation, but I knew for certain that he deserved the answers I’d been holding on to for so many years. I also knew that I’d fallen right back in love with him and that not a night had gone by where I hadn’t yearned for him to stay with me. The few nights he did retreat back to his room were there nights I’d struggled to sleep and woke up feeling cold. I knew that once I returned to Paris, it would take me weeks, if not longer, to reorient myself.

  Just like it had when I’d left him five years ago.

  But I simply had to go back to Paris; my entire life and career were there. Still it made me so sick to think about leaving him. Literally.

  Tumbling out of the shower, I threw myself at the toilet. The breakfast I had indeed wolfed down came barking back up the tree. When I was done heaving, I wiped my mouth, sat down, and cried.

  I had to tell him. I had to sit him down today and tell him everything. I didn’t know how I was going to start the conversation or whether he would let me stay the last week or throw me out on my ass, but I couldn’t keep doing this to him, and I sure as hell couldn't keep doing this to us. As easy as it was for me to just run from my problems, I was tired of running.

  I loved him with everything I had, and I’m not sure I had ever stopped. And because of that, he deserved better.

  He shouldn’t have to dig for the answers I owed him. Hence, I just needed to swallow my pride and bring it up, and once I started talking, I would force myself to continue until everything that needed to be said had been vocalized and put out in the open. I wouldn’t stop until he understood what had happened and that none of it was really his fault.

  I pulled myself off the bathroom floor and eventually got dressed. The clock was blaring a few minutes past noon, and my hands suddenly began to tremble. I felt short of breath and tears rose in my eyes again. Before I managed to settle myself down, I heard Dallas’s voice drift up the stairs and ricochet down the hallway.

  “Autumn, lunch will be ready in about fifteen minutes!”

  Chapter 17: Dallas

  I started throwing us some sandwiches together and pulled out a couple glass bottled Orange Crush’s. I knew that was Autumn’s next favorite drink when she wasn’t guzzling down sweet tea. I then threw some chips and salsa onto the table before making a small fruit salad. It wasn’t the nicest lunch ever, but it would do before I had to go back and tend to the animals some more. Hearing Autumn shuffling around upstairs, I couldn’t help rushing over, knowing she was about to come down.

  “I can get down a flight of steps now,” she informed.

  I smiled. “I know, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.” I watched her continue making her way down, marveling about how stunningly beautiful she looked. My heart thundered in my chest. She had
on a pair of white linen pants and a tight pink tank top. Her feet were bare, her hair hung around her neck, and the smile on her face sent shivers down my spine. I’d completely fallen back in love with this woman—or more in love, rather, considering I had always been in love with her to begin with. It was then that I decided to try talking with her over lunch about possibly doing the long-distance thing. I didn’t know what she was doing now or where she was doing it, but I wanted her to know that I supported her and that wherever she was, we could somehow make this work.

  “Come on. I got sandwiches, Orange Crush, and chips.”

  “Oh God, Orange Crush. I haven’t had it in ages,” she said with an appreciative groan.

  We made our way to the kitchen table, and before we sat down, she snatched up her open bottle. She chugged it back and swallowed hard, moaning and groaning while she did so, sending a small tent growing behind my pants. A small drop of orange liquid trickled out the side of her mouth and mindlessly I reached out to swipe it away. The orange drop hit my finger and pulled away from her skin. She looked at me, a hint of something in her eyes that I couldn’t put my finger on.

  “Just a little drop there,” I said lamely.

  Autumn cleared her throat and dropped into her seat, while I went over to the fridge and grabbed her another bottle before joining her.

  “Well, one of my heifer’s looks to be ready to pop within the next week or so. I’ve gotta place a call to the vet and have him come over to take a look at her.”

  “Oh, wow, how exciting! You sure you don’t want to place that call now?” she asked.

  “I’ll do it after I’m done eating. Right now, she’s sleeping and I don’t wanna risk him coming over and waking her up.”

  “How’re the bulls doing? Don’t you have rodeo lessons to give?”

  “I canceled and moved those around, so they won’t start up for another few days. Which is fine, because those boys need a rest anyway.”

  “Ah. Gotcha.”

  Autumn mindlessly ate her sandwich, seeming so thoroughly preoccupied that I started growing worried. My cat prowled beneath the surface.

  “You feelin’ all right? Did something happen while I was working?” I asked cautiously.

  “Not at all. Why would you ask?”

  “You just seem a little… off, I guess.”

  She nodded slowly, but when she set her sandwich down and sighed, I knew I’d hit a nerve.

  “Autumn, what’s going on?” I prodded. “Are you getting nauseous again? Is your head still hurting?”

  “No, nothing like that,” she said and then sighed. Tears began to rise to her eyes. I immediately dropped my sandwich and approached her, dropping down to my knee and leaning in to her, my stomach twisting as her face crinkled up.

  “Dallas, I’ve gotta tell you something, and I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel about it,” she said between sniffs.

  “Autumn, I’ve got you. What in the world is going on?” I took her hand and started rubbing circles on it, but she pulled away from me and shot up from her chair.

  “You remember that night in college?” she blurted out. I slowly rose from my kneeled position, my entire body growing rigid.

  I could sense it; we were finally about to have this conversation…

  “I’ll never forget it,” I said, my voice strained.

  “Jesus…” she breathed. “I-I-I, uh… I have a confession to make,” she stammered.

  I nodded. “All right,” I said, trying to keep my cool, even though my hands had involuntarily balled up into fists. I glanced down at them, afraid for a fleeting moment that I would have a repeat of earlier, when one hand accidentally shifted into a paw. But fortunately, my human hands remained intact.

  I had never planned on having this particular conversation; all I wanted was to talk about us moving forward. Our future. The past was the past, and I was more than willing to leave it there, but apparently, Autumn was dead set on dredging it up.

  It wasn’t much of a shocker though; Autumn had always seemed to be a bit stuck in the past.

  “I got a job offer in Paris,” she began, “and, um… it was essentially my dream job, you know? They were hiring me to be an apprentice to one of the premier fashion labels that dominates that area. Dallas, I mean… they don’t pay apprentices, you know? And they loved my stuff so much they were going to pay me.”

  I kept my cool and kept my mouth shut, but the tears streaming down her face told me she wasn’t done.

  “They told me I was due in the office June 9th,” she said lightly.

  “What?” I asked, not understanding.

  “The 9th…” she whispered.

  “The day after graduation,” I said, it finally dawning on me.

  She nodded, but there were so many things that still didn’t make sense.

  “How the hell did you get a place to stay that quickly?” I asked. She slowly panned her gaze to me and my body grew cold. “You were already researching places…” I said, my voice trailing off.

  “For about a month,” she admitted.

  “You knew for a fucking month, Autumn?”

  She didn’t respond, but, her pause told me everything I needed to know.

  “How long did you know about that job?” I asked, agitated.

  “They contacted me in March. Dallas, I swear to God I tried to find a way to tell you. Every time I researched apartments and every time I choked on how expensive it was going to be to live in Paris. Every single time there was an opening in a conversation, I tried to tell you. But I thought…”

  Her voice faltered and my mind began running a million miles a second.

  “Don’t you dare stop right there, Autumn,” I hissed, not even bothered by the slightly inhumane tone that had crept into my voice. “You thought what?”

  She looked at me, somewhat fearfully. “Dallas, please…”

  “You don’t get to control this anymore, Autumn!” I yelled. “I made lunch and was gonna talk to you about how we could move forward long-distance from this point on! I wanted to talk about our future. You’re the one who had to bring up college! So talk! Finish what you were going to say!”

  “You were gonna talk about a long-distance relationship?” she said, her eyes wide with shock.

  “Autumn August!” I roared, not willing to let her change the subject.

  “I thought you’d try to make me stay!” she shrieked. “Okay? I thought that if I told you, that you wouldn’t support me or approve, and you’d ask me to stay with you!”

  It felt like the entire world had been ripped from underneath my feet. I swayed on the spot. “You left me in the middle of the night after graduation, after I laid with you and told you I loved you and that you were the one for me, because you thought I wouldn’t support you?” My voice had started to rumble threateningly throughout the house, and I knew my anger was raging out of control. My bones ached from wanting to shift and the mountain lion inside of me wanted so badly to pounce on something, not necessarily Autumn because I would never hurt her, but my attack instinct was being triggered nonetheless. My mind spun, my body felt numb, and for the first time since that morning waking up without her, I felt like throwing something it against the wall.

  Taking a deep breath and forcing myself calm before things went terribly wrong, I asked in a low voice, “Who was the one who encouraged you to pursue fashion?”

  “You,” Autumn whispered.

  “And who was the one who fielded your parents when you switched your major from education to fashion?”.

  “You,” she choked out.

  “And who was the one who encouraged you to send your damn portfolio off to Paris in the first place while you sat there, night after night, crying because you didn’t think you weren’t good enough?!”

  “You,” she sobbed.

  “Then why the hell did you think I suddenly wouldn’t have supported you?!” I yelled, my rage mounting uncontrollably once more. I had half a mind to shift in front of her just
so that she could feel as put-off as I did.

  “Because I knew if you asked me to say, I would’ve!” she yelled painfully. “You wanted me to be your mate!”

  “My what!?!”

  “Your mate, you think I didn’t know? All these years and I was supposed to ignore that you’re a shifter. I know what mate means Dallas, forever. I didn’t know what to do!”

  My rage came to a screeching halt, her statement stopping me dead in my tracks. I tilted my head, catlike, staring at her, trying to let what she’d just said sink in.

  “I knew if you asked, or gave me a look, or asked me to postpone it…Or even asked to go with me…I would have went along with whatever you wanted. And I couldn’t risk any of that happening. So I just fucking left, all right?”

  My chest had grown tight, making the room suddenly feel devoid of oxygen and leaving me panting for breath. My mind had come to a complete and total freeze as I stood there, watching Autumn sob in my kitchen. All this time, she knew.

  “What the hell would’ve been so wrong with me goin’ with you?” I asked.

  “The hell kinda rodeo farm life is in Paris, Dallas?”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head before turning my back on her. My heart felt like it had been shattered and thrown into a fire to burn, and I knew I had to get out of the house before I said something I was gonna regret.

  “I never would’ve made you stay,” I said. “I never would’ve made you toss your dreams out for me. Not after all the support you showed me with the rodeo.”

  “Dallas, I’m so sorry.”

  “But you don’t believe that, do you?” I challenged, whipping back around and catching her stare. The way she seemed to buck up just a bit told me exactly what I needed to know. “You still think I would’ve asked you to stay, after everything I did to encourage your fashion in college.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I do. It’s in your nature.”

  Annoyed, I gritted my teeth and turned down the hallway, blocking out her voice yelling after me as I slammed through the front door. My hands trembled and I wanted nothing more than to yell out all sorts of nasty, disgusting things. But instead, I ripped my phone from my pocket and dialed my vet’s number.